i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
