You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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