I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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