we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
