420 ftw
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
