Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
