And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
