Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
