What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
