hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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