Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
