dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
