went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
