We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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