there's paper in my vomit.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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