I'm drive I can fine osifer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
