I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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