Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
