3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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