My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
