did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
