Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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