I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
