With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
