I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize