Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
