he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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