Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
