in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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