VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
