apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize