Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
