Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
