Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
