She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
