I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
