a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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