he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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