guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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