Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
