You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
