I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
