Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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