dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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