Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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