I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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