He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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