In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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