apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
