Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
