She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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