don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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