The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
