My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
