I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize