look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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