so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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