I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
