We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
