your thong is hanging out like whoa
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
