Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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