is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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