if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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