I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this boner is exhausting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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