We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
