I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
