is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
vagina is talking i cant
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
