I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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