Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
