So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
