well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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