I need to stop coming to work sober
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
