guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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