i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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