Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
