He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
