Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
