I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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